


i promise you i will learn from my mistakes

by mylifeiskara



Series: Bellarke Bingo Board [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke Bingo, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff if you squint?, Hurt/Comfort, Post s6 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-12-01 19:03:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20868818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeiskara/pseuds/mylifeiskara
Summary: In the aftermath of everything that happened at Sanctum, Clarke finds a moment alone. Then Bellamy finds her, and they find a moment alone together.Written for Bellarke Bingo.





	i promise you i will learn from my mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first fic for Bellarke Bingo! I was fully working on another fic that I was gonna post first, but I got this idea in the middle of work yesterday and immediately came home and started writing, and this is what we've got! I also kind of just wanted an excuse to write Bellamy in that comfy sweater he wore at the tail end of the season.
> 
> The prompts I used for this one are canon setting and stargazing. You can find my whole bingo card [here](https://sassmasterblake.tumblr.com/post/188093515451/in-the-aftermath-of-everything-that-happened-at).
> 
> Title is from [Fix You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4V3Mo61fJM) by Coldplay.

Clarke can name a few days that might be in the running for the longest day of her life. Leaving Bellamy and the others behind after Mount Weather, getting left behind herself before Praimfaya, even having to make the list of a hundred names. But after everything that’s happened in Sanctum, she can easily call this the longest day of her life. She almost lost Madi, she did lose her mom. Her people are in less immediate danger now, but she can’t seem to cling to any sort of hope that things will get better. Maybe she’s still not convinced her people consider her one of them. Maybe she’s trying to figure out how to go on without her mom. She’s not really sure at this point.

She knows one thing for sure, and it’s that she’s finally out of tears. She sits with Madi and rubs her back until she falls asleep, letting the last few tears silently fall. Once Clarke’s sure Madi is out, she changes out of Josephine’s clothes and into a tank top and pants. She decides to take a walk outside. She doesn’t expect to see anyone, since they’re all exhausted. Clarke is also exhausted, but she can’t bring herself to go to sleep. She hopes some fresh air will help, so she sits down on a bench by the water.

It might not be the best idea to be left alone with her thoughts right now, but she’s not sure what else to do. She can’t deal with anyone else’s company right now anyway. She’s not sad. Just numb. For the first time since they all stepped foot in Sanctum, she takes time to look up at the stars. It doesn’t seem fair that a terrible place gets such nice stars, but then again, it’s not really the fault of the galaxy what humans do when they’re left to their own devices.

Clarke eventually gets lost in the clusters. She’s not sure if Sanctum has any of the constellations they had back on Earth, so she doesn’t know what she’s looking for. It’s still calming just to look up and see familiar formations. Clarke can’t remember the last time she felt this calm.

She’s so lost in the stars that she doesn’t notice anyone walk up next to her until she feels a hand on her shoulder. She stiffens for a moment, before looking up to see that the hand belongs to Bellamy. She relaxes into his touch.

“Mind if I join you?” he asks.

Clarke nods. “Sit.”

Bellamy sits down next to Clarke. He sighs as if he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Not even the cozy sweater that he’s borrowed from Gabriel seems to be comforting to him right now.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he finally asks.

“I’m still a little afraid to close my eyes. I know nothing’s gonna happen to me. But I don’t feel like dealing with the nightmares.”

“Sometimes even sleep can be a burden.”

“Yeah. Did Octavia and Echo go inside?” Clarke asks, turning to look at Bellamy.

Bellamy’s jaw clenches before he speaks. “I came back on my own.”

“Why?”

“Octavia’s gone. Something happened with the anomaly, and she vanished.”

“Oh my god. Bellamy, I am so sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Gabriel doesn’t think she’s gone forever. But he’s not sure how to get her back.”

“So then why did you come back? And where’s Echo?”

“Gabriel told me I was being too emotional about the situation and thought it would be better if I left for a few hours and came back in the morning. I didn’t want to leave him alone, so Echo volunteered to stay with him.”

Clarke nods, not sure what else to say. She’s not an idiot, and she knows it wouldn’t be reassuring to tell Bellamy that they’ll get Octavia back, since it’s not a guarantee. All she can do for right now is sit with him while he processes, like he’s doing for her, whether he realizes it or not. She draws her attention back to the stars in the sky after glancing over at Bellamy and noticing he’s done the same.

“That kind of looks like the Big Dipper,” Bellamy says, pointing to a cluster of stars.

“That looks nothing like the Big Dipper.”

“Yeah. Maybe I’m just pretending it’s familiar to make myself feel better.”

Clarke chuckles. She looks back up at the sky, rubbing her arms as she does. She hadn’t thought to bring a jacket with her.

“Hey, are you cold?” Bellamy shrugs off his sweater and drapes it around Clarke’s shoulders. Clarke is glad it’s too dark for him to see the blush set into her cheeks as he does.

“I’ll be fine, you should keep it.”

“I have long sleeves.”

“Thanks.” After another moment she adds, “This is a good sweater.”

Bellamy laughs. “Yeah. Gabriel told me I have to give it back, but I don’t think I’m going to.”

In the middle of exchanging the sweater, Clarke finds that they’ve somehow drawn closer together. Their legs are touching, and Bellamy’s arm is slung behind Clarke’s waist on the bench. He doesn’t seem bothered by it, so Clarke lets it happen. They go back to staring silently at the stars.

Bellamy eventually breaks the silence by pointing out another cluster. “That one looks like Orion’s Belt.”

Clarke turns her head to look at him. “Bellamy, those stars are in a circle.”

“So?”

“Orion’s Belt isn’t a circle.”

“Huh.”

“Do you actually know what any of the constellations we could see from Earth looked like?”

“I thought I did, but I’m learning I was grossly misinformed,” Bellamy laughs.

Clarke laughs too, and it’s definitely the first genuine laugh she’s had in a long time. She doesn’t think she’s really laughed with Bellamy since before Praimfaya. What he said wasn’t even that funny, but exhaustion has probably gotten the better of both of them, as they spend a good minute giggling for no reason. By the time they’re done laughing, Clarke can feel herself leaning more and more into Bellamy’s touch. It feels natural, like something she’s been doing her whole life. But then she remembers Echo, and the guilt sets in.

“I can tell Echo really cares about you,” Clarke says just above a whisper. “I wasn’t sure at first, but now I see it.”

She feels Bellamy stiffen slightly, but he nods.

She chooses her next words carefully. “I’m glad you have someone that cares about you like that.”

Bellamy doesn’t say anything at first, so Clarke thinks he’s just not going to respond. When he does finally speak, she can tell that he’s also choosing his words carefully.

“It’s nice that Echo cares, but it doesn’t feel right that I can’t care about her in the same way she cares about me.”

“What do you mean?”

Bellamy takes a deep breath. “I have a lot of regrets about the things I did while we were on Earth, but my biggest one is not telling you how I felt about you before Praimfaya.”

Clarke’s breath catches in her throat. She never thought this moment would actually happen.

“When we got to the Ring, I thought you were gone,” Bellamy continues. “And I was torn up about it for so long, that after a while I was tired of being torn up about it. At the time, Echo was what I needed. And she said when we found a way back to the ground that it would change things, and I told her it wouldn’t. But then I found out you were still alive, and it did change things.”

Clarke cuts in. “Bellamy, you don’t have to tell me all this.”

“Clarke, I want to tell you. Will you let me finish?” he asks gently.

She nods, nervous to hear the rest.

“With everything that’s happened to us, before and after we all went into cryo, I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster. I mean, we all have. And there hasn’t really been any time to process or take action. I haven’t had the chance yet, but I know now I need to end things with Echo. I’m not being fair to her. I can’t keep doing this knowing that she cares about me the way I care about you.”

By the end of Bellamy’s speech, Clarke is beet red and her stomach can’t seem to stop flipping. She knows she should say something, but she can’t seem to get her mouth to move, so instead she just stares at him.

Bellamy eventually breaks their gaze, opting instead to stare at his lap. He’s embarrassed.

“I’m sorry. This was probably the worst possible time for me to lay all that on you.”

“Well timing’s never really been our thing, has it?” Clarke finally says.

He chuckles. “I guess not.”

She places a hand on top of his. “I care about you that way too, Bellamy. I have since Praimfaya, probably before Praimfaya if I’m being honest with myself.”

This time when Bellamy smiles, Clarke sees that it reaches all the way to his eyes. The sight of it makes her tear up again, which she didn’t think was going to happen. She rests her head on his shoulder, and he puts his head on hers. They stay like that for a while, not saying anything, just being there for each other as Clarke’s body somehow produces more tears.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.”

“You don’t have to apologize. It’s been a hard day.” He rubs her shoulder.

“Now that my mom’s gone, I feel like I’ve lost one of the only people left that sees the good in me,” she manages to choke out.

This admission only makes Bellamy hold on tighter. “Hey, listen to me. There’s good in you. We’ve all seen it. And I know some people are making you feel like you’re the only one that’s ever done anything wrong, but we’ve all done bad things. We were apart for so long and our priorities changed. But Clarke, you have to know that the onus is not all on you. We all have sins to atone for. And we’re gonna figure things out and find a way to become better people.”

Clarke snorts. “You sound so sure of that.”

“I’m not sure about a lot of things, but one thing I am sure about is that our friends still care about you. They’re just stubborn, and they’ve got their own healing to do, too. They’ll come around. But you’ve always got Madi, and you’ve always got me. I hope you know that.”

“I do. Thank you for believing in me, Bellamy.”

“Of course. You’ve always believed in me, why wouldn’t I do the same for you?”

Clarke snuggles herself further into Bellamy’s side, letting herself relax into his embrace. He presses a kiss to her hair, then rests his chin on top of her head. He knows exactly how to comfort her, and she hopes she’ll never have to be without him again. Because it’s in his arms that for the first time that day Clarke feels hopeful about what’s to come.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed! I'd love to hear what you think. I've got some other things in the works for this, so be on the lookout for them at some point. 
> 
> And you can always come find me on [Tumblr!](https://sassmasterblake.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
